How did El Collie Die?

“Her favorite color” – yamabuki
“Although this land is not my own, 
I will remember its inland sea 
and the waters that are so cold 
the sand as white as old bones
the pine trees strangely red
where the sun comes down.
I cannot say if it is our love, 
or the day, that is ending.”
— Anna Akhmatova 
How did El Collie die?
This question continues to crop up
There’s an ongoing curiosity
About how she died that day
Did she die of a broken heart
Did she die from overwork
Did she really die at all
Or is this just a show
Put on display
For your curiosity
Like bloody tracks
In old grey snow
I have answers aplenty in my head
But don’t know which to give
Every answer is filled with pain
Every answer is filled with blood
Every answer is filled with emptiness
And in the end
How she died
Seems beyond words
She simply took the train
And left the world behind
So let me ask you 
Why do you want to know
And who are you to ask
Where were you when she was sick
Where were you when she was crying
Where were you when she was dying
I know where she and I were
Back in early 2002
But where were you
When El Collie died
Facing death one more time
Going through the gates
Where someday
We too must go
Still not good enough for you
Do you want the details
The Facts and Figures
The Autopsy reports
The Medical findings
To be honest
This sounds rather morbid
This sounds rather ghoulish
This sounds like an obsession
Of what possible use
Can the knowledge of her death
Be to you here and now
How will it help you
Why not ask instead
Where is El Collie’s body
Where is El Collie’s soul
Where is El Collie’s spirit
Of course I have no real answers
If you’ve read my poetry
You know that I’m but a fool
With my head in the air
Lost in the clouds
A foolish dog
Playing at my feet
Walking together 
We skirt the edge of the abyss
Waiting for death 
To open the door
Where El Collie surely awaits me
Jan 2011

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